for the record
29 Jul 2011 1 Comment
MUST record this for the record, b/c I have been terrible about keeping track of Josiah’s adorable doings:
Tonight after our dinner prayer (for which Josiah folded his hands and waited for it to end), Edwin said, “Amen,” and Josiah said, loud and clear, “AMEN!”
Then tonight, we marched around our downstairs singing “Father Abraham” for about, I don’t know, 20 rounds of the song. Daddy led with the tambourine, and Josiah sometimes played second fiddle or caboose. He did his signature “I’m shaking my hands b/c I can’t hold in my excitement” dance, which always tickles me.
July 29 was a good day.
~a
living in God’s country
29 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in family, motherhood
In his introduction to the books of Samuel, Eugene Peterson talks of Hannah, Samuel, Saul, and David as people who lived in “God’s country.” I love this idea. I often have to remind myself that heaven is my true home, since even though I’m going “home” (the States) in December, I will be laying my head in places under no ownership of my own; and what I call “home” now is a loose concept, since I’m living in a foreign country and about to move from the urban culture I’ve finally adjusted to out to a rural culture that will likely throw my head into loops and spins. But still I’m living in a time and space that is not yet heaven, so sometimes the looking forward to it as home doesn’t really satisfy the here, the now.
But to think of God himself (or, if you wish, his kingdom) as a country, and to claim residence there in this current reality of my lifespan…that is a concept I can grab hold of. A concept I can relish, absorb, and spend a lifetime getting to know.
So it was in the midst of this lovely contemplation that I began reading 1 Samuel. I have in struggles past looked to the story of Hannah’s pleading for comfort. But I would emotionally stop short of the part where she gave up her son. It was enough to be happy about God answering her prayer to give her a son, Samuel. But today, as I read, I wasn’t identifying with Hannah’s prayer, because with great joy I can say my Hannah prayer has been answered. He was playing loud and happy as I read. And although I wanted to read right over the fact that she gave Samuel to serve God just after he was weaned (probably around 3 or 4 years old), I knew that if I want to live in God’s country, I have to let him teach me from all of Scripture. So I sat still in the difficult story.
I thought of Josiah, who is not yet 2, and how he is so much a part of me. I haven’t yet spent a night away from him. He loves and trusts me…I know, because he kisses me and hugs me when I don’t ask him to, and he throws himself on me like a skydiver, knowing I’ll catch him. And I love him…I’m trying to come up with words but I can’t. The best way to communicate what I’m feeling is that besides Edwin, he’s my best friend. He fills my days. He’s my companion. I joy in caring from him. I love him. And he’s not yet two. I started to imagine how much Hannah must have enjoyed and relished the answer to her prayer, how much she must have savored every day with him.
And then she had to give him up. It was a promise she’d made, and she was true to her word. She gave him to God, to serve in His temple. And we know from the rest of the story that he was a righteous man, a tried and true prophet. He found David and anointed him. But that doesn’t make it any easier…in fulfillment of her promise, she had to walk away from her baby boy, her little friend, her pride and joy.
And he, oh, he had to say goodbye! How do you explain to a toddler that mommy has to leave you to serve God in a temple!? But God met the needs of Hannah, and he filled her void with three more sons and two daughters. And he met the needs of Samuel, giving him a father in Eli, the priest, and calling him to deliver His messages to the people of Israel.
My mother’s heart breaks at this story, but in God’s country, this story was necessary. This story was God’s to write.
When Josiah was born we dedicated him to God. Buts since Josiah came into my life, I have worried that either something tragic would happen to him and I would be left without him; or that something would happen to me and he’d be motherless. But through this story about Hannah and Samuel God told me today to rest calmly, that should anything happen to either of us, although I don’t want to live without Josiah, and I don’t want him to live without me, God will meet our needs. He took care of Hannah, and he took care of Samuel. He’ll take care of me, and he’ll take care of Josiah. And I need to give up that fear.
So I did that today. I gave God my future, and Josiah’s. I took another step into God’s country.
passed over
01 Jul 2011 1 Comment
There are times in my life when I reconnect with grace.
I guess the hope is that I’m connecting with it everyday, and of course even when I’m not acknowledging it, God’s grace covers me.
But what I mean by reconnecting is that sometimes I recognize my incredible need for it, NOW, because I’m so grace-less myself.
Today Edwin and I had what we call a “bad culture day.” It’s one of those days when the things around us just rub us the wrong way, and we find ourselves grumbling and griping. But today I couldn’t get too far into my own anger, because I kept thinking the question in my head, “who are you, anyway?” I might think they need to change things about the train system in Manila (more signage, please!), but the train in Manila wasn’t built for me. And I’m not a regular customer. And it serves a good purpose. And so as I battle, the self that wants to be angry and, let’s face it, prideful and selfish; and the self that wants to live out the Gospel of peace, I just end up all humbled. And that’s when I reconnect with grace.
Sometimes I think about how frustrating it must have been for God to deal with life on earth. Then I think about how frustrating it must be for him to deal with life with me. But he doesn’t just deal with me, he loves me. He doesn’t just love me, he sees me as clean. I mean, the grumbling, selfish, judgmental girl of today, in the eyes of God, is clean. Because Jesus steps in front of me when the eyes of the Great Judge pass by, and I am judged clean. I was reading Josiah the story of the Passover tonight. The wording was just perfect to remind me of the sacrifice of Christ. I can’t remember it just now, but it was something like, “…the lamb’s blood showed God that a lamb had been killed in the place of a person.” In the place of a person. Me. The Lamb was killed so grumpy little Amy could be passed over, saved, redeemed, washed, and robed in righteousness.
That is the work of a gracious God. That is the grace I reconnected with today. That is the grace I pray will be manifested in my actions to others. I have a long way to go, but I know the God of Grace lives in me. What a sobering and exhilarating thought.
~
picture from http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?t=189728
